So the biggest rule of business is - “don’t go into business with your friends or your family”. But seeing that I am all about breaking rules, here are a few rules that should help you seamlessly break that rule. Let’s face it, what could be cooler than planning weddings with your BFF!?
Rule #1
Prepare for your friendship to change.
It’s true. This is not necessarily a bad thing by the way. I still have to prepare you for it. Your conversations about whatever you used to converse about will now more or less be about weddings! Wedding décor, the poor or great vendor, the new people you met, the frustrations, how much your feet hurt, how badly you want to bathe, why you wore a particular bra because it hurts. You will swap photos on Instagram (not of your children or outfits) of weddings you dream to set up. Your talks will no longer be about “mom hacks”, diet trends or whatever normal people talk about it. It will be centered around how to make the business better, from marketing better, to new décor ideas.
As I said above, your friendship will change… not for the worse… just different.
Rule #2
Know every aspect of your business
For me, I think this is one of my biggest, most important rules. Both individuals should know every aspect of their business… but you DO need to delegate your roles and then STAY IN YOUR LANE!
Learn every aspect of your business because it helps with vendor choices, helps with quality management, helps with crisis management. However… micromanagement never helps a soul!
If you can’t trust people to do their job, and to do their job well, then you shouldn’t be in business with them. You have to exercise trust. Don’t get me wrong, you have the advantage of there being two of you, so you can cross check each other, knock ideas off each other, even call each other out if you don’t agree with something. But at the end of the day, you have to trust each other and give each other the space to do the delegated job and do it well.
Another aspect of this, and it is a very precarious aspect of this rule… THEIR fuck up is YOUR fuck up! If you know your business and you are checking back each other as you should, then guess what, finger pointing cannot happen. For example, in our business, I do the costing, but my partner checks it back and sends it out. That way, if I cost a centerpiece for $10 instead of $100 she should see it before it’s sent off. BUT if she doesn’t, and the client gets it, then it’s both our cross to carry. We don’t do blame game in our business because we are involved in every aspect of the business.
I can’t tell you the number of times Tulle (code name for business partner) and I have had to clear plates because the wait staff weren’t coping, or I had to MC while she was trying to fix the bride’s dress. Me telling the guests that the wait staff is incompetent doesn’t make me look good or help the situation. As a business owner, you just get on with it and clear tables for the team.
There is no I in TEAM. #teamworkmakesthedreamwork
Rule #3
Leave the fight with the job.
Tulle has resigned on me …. probably on almost every job.
We fight and bitch, and sometimes want to drive a spear through each other at some point during almost every job. But once the job is complete, we are back to laughing till we end up nearly wetting ourselves.
You can’t carry those feelings home; you can’t take them personally. Being a business owner is a high stress job, and being a Wedding Planner is a job that can make you takes things VERY personally.
You have to be willing to let go sometimes and realize that you don’t always have to have your way… you can give them their way at times too. It’s hard, I know. You have a vision and you want to preserve what you believe is the vision of the bride, but so does your BFF. Unfortunately there will be times that you both have very different opinions on what you believe that vision is. Not everything has to be a fight to the death.
Rule #4
Sometimes it will be unfair…but as friends, you will understand
You heard me right, sometimes it will feel down right unfair! You’ll feel like you are doing most of the work, you’ll feel like you are putting in most of the resources or the most time. Guess what though… you’re probably going to be right about that…sometimes.
This is where you have to pull on your “best friend powers”.
Recently I had pneumonia. Tulle ended up not only having to do her work, but mine too. Vice Versa. Tulle’s dad passed on a couple years ago. Her head was on another planet, and she fully zoned out on me for the greater part of 9 months to a year. I didn’t get upset that she wasn’t pulling her weight because my best friend, not my business partner, lost her dad. She could stay zoned as long as she needed till she found peace. That’s the benefit of working with your friend, they offer certain leniencies that a traditional boss wouldn’t.
Rule #5.
Know when to let go.
People change. One day bestie may wake up and decide that she doesn’t want to be a wedding planner anymore.
Thank God that hasn’t happened to me yet, but I have been faced with the prospect of her leaving on an indefinite sabbatical to go spend some quality time with family in the UK!!
Eeek scary stuff right! But let’s face it , people change, dreams change, and as her best friend, she has to feel comfortable enough to tell me the truth. Even if it hurts, you have to allow her the chance to go forth and be who or what she wants. I believe honesty is the quality that will hold the friendship together in the long run.
The partnership may end but that is absolutely no reason for the friendship to end.
My statements have not been evaluated by the friendship and business bureau and cannot cure or destroy friendships or businesses.
Rule #1
Prepare for your friendship to change.
It’s true. This is not necessarily a bad thing by the way. I still have to prepare you for it. Your conversations about whatever you used to converse about will now more or less be about weddings! Wedding décor, the poor or great vendor, the new people you met, the frustrations, how much your feet hurt, how badly you want to bathe, why you wore a particular bra because it hurts. You will swap photos on Instagram (not of your children or outfits) of weddings you dream to set up. Your talks will no longer be about “mom hacks”, diet trends or whatever normal people talk about it. It will be centered around how to make the business better, from marketing better, to new décor ideas.
As I said above, your friendship will change… not for the worse… just different.
Rule #2
Know every aspect of your business
For me, I think this is one of my biggest, most important rules. Both individuals should know every aspect of their business… but you DO need to delegate your roles and then STAY IN YOUR LANE!
Learn every aspect of your business because it helps with vendor choices, helps with quality management, helps with crisis management. However… micromanagement never helps a soul!
If you can’t trust people to do their job, and to do their job well, then you shouldn’t be in business with them. You have to exercise trust. Don’t get me wrong, you have the advantage of there being two of you, so you can cross check each other, knock ideas off each other, even call each other out if you don’t agree with something. But at the end of the day, you have to trust each other and give each other the space to do the delegated job and do it well.
Another aspect of this, and it is a very precarious aspect of this rule… THEIR fuck up is YOUR fuck up! If you know your business and you are checking back each other as you should, then guess what, finger pointing cannot happen. For example, in our business, I do the costing, but my partner checks it back and sends it out. That way, if I cost a centerpiece for $10 instead of $100 she should see it before it’s sent off. BUT if she doesn’t, and the client gets it, then it’s both our cross to carry. We don’t do blame game in our business because we are involved in every aspect of the business.
I can’t tell you the number of times Tulle (code name for business partner) and I have had to clear plates because the wait staff weren’t coping, or I had to MC while she was trying to fix the bride’s dress. Me telling the guests that the wait staff is incompetent doesn’t make me look good or help the situation. As a business owner, you just get on with it and clear tables for the team.
There is no I in TEAM. #teamworkmakesthedreamwork
Rule #3
Leave the fight with the job.
Tulle has resigned on me …. probably on almost every job.
We fight and bitch, and sometimes want to drive a spear through each other at some point during almost every job. But once the job is complete, we are back to laughing till we end up nearly wetting ourselves.
You can’t carry those feelings home; you can’t take them personally. Being a business owner is a high stress job, and being a Wedding Planner is a job that can make you takes things VERY personally.
You have to be willing to let go sometimes and realize that you don’t always have to have your way… you can give them their way at times too. It’s hard, I know. You have a vision and you want to preserve what you believe is the vision of the bride, but so does your BFF. Unfortunately there will be times that you both have very different opinions on what you believe that vision is. Not everything has to be a fight to the death.
Rule #4
Sometimes it will be unfair…but as friends, you will understand
You heard me right, sometimes it will feel down right unfair! You’ll feel like you are doing most of the work, you’ll feel like you are putting in most of the resources or the most time. Guess what though… you’re probably going to be right about that…sometimes.
This is where you have to pull on your “best friend powers”.
Recently I had pneumonia. Tulle ended up not only having to do her work, but mine too. Vice Versa. Tulle’s dad passed on a couple years ago. Her head was on another planet, and she fully zoned out on me for the greater part of 9 months to a year. I didn’t get upset that she wasn’t pulling her weight because my best friend, not my business partner, lost her dad. She could stay zoned as long as she needed till she found peace. That’s the benefit of working with your friend, they offer certain leniencies that a traditional boss wouldn’t.
Rule #5.
Know when to let go.
People change. One day bestie may wake up and decide that she doesn’t want to be a wedding planner anymore.
Thank God that hasn’t happened to me yet, but I have been faced with the prospect of her leaving on an indefinite sabbatical to go spend some quality time with family in the UK!!
Eeek scary stuff right! But let’s face it , people change, dreams change, and as her best friend, she has to feel comfortable enough to tell me the truth. Even if it hurts, you have to allow her the chance to go forth and be who or what she wants. I believe honesty is the quality that will hold the friendship together in the long run.
The partnership may end but that is absolutely no reason for the friendship to end.
My statements have not been evaluated by the friendship and business bureau and cannot cure or destroy friendships or businesses.
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